You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
