her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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