I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
