so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
