Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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