Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
