i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Can Purell be used as lube?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
