well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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