I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
