my being single is dangerous.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
