His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
