Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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