I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
