I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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