Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
