This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
