Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
