I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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