thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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