Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
