I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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