Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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