I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
