My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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