What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
