dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
