Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
