Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
