Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
