ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
