Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
