so that wasnt chicken after all
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
