I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
