I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
In America we eat man semen.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
