I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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