I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
