how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
