ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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