I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
