and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
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I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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