the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
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My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
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I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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