The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
