So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
