Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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