well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
