I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wish you could order shots online.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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