I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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