you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
