I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
