How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
