omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
