im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
