I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Is Oprah even human
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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