Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
