I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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