I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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