U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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