I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
FUCK WHALES
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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