the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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